Saturday, September 20, 2014

About envy, judgement and how to not give a rats

The experience of feeling judged, or envied - well I don't personally experience that too often.  So I hadn't expected it when my husband and I announced some months back that we wouldn't just be buying our first home - we'd be building it.

I know a lot of people are genuinely happy for us, and if that's you - I thank you and really appreciate your support as we make this happen.  At the same time there are a few friendships that have gone suuuuper quiet; some comments and facial expressions that appear to come from a judging place, a 'how can you afford that' place.

At first I was a little hurt, I retracted into myself and stopped talking openly about our joy.  After a time though, I came to a place of gratefulness for our situation - deep and abiding and that's help me shake off the feelings that we somehow don't deserve this (we've worked and sacrificed really hard for many years by the way!)

As is my way, I turn situations inside out in my head to I try to understand the other side of things.

I've been reminded that we are so good at simplifying another's journey within our judgement.

If there is one thing I've observed it is that there is nothing simple about a whole lot of situations.  We don't know all the facts, all the sides often and yet do we ever stop to test the assumption that we do?

All of us, if we're honest are hard wired to judge; to look from our perspective, weigh up only what we can see and know through the filter of our journey, our experiences, our disappointments and our triumphs and expect that as it was for us, so it is for others.

It isn't.  It just isn't.

For me this is just a well time lesson - a reminder to squash that inner monologue that compares me and our situation unfavourably to others.

A reminder that I can not and will not know everything about everything, and that's cool.

I'll just keep on with my knitting.

{We might be having Christmas dinner in our first home, and I can't wait to show you pictures - they'll be infinitely more exciting than today's offerings when we get the house to the landscaping/decorating phase.  Before that, I have a whole lot of painting and DIY to do, so stay tuned}


  1. Nicely said, I'd still be happy to catxh up for a coffee - even talk landscaping :)

  2. So excited for you! Can't wait for you to move closer to us!!! Roll on moving day, that's what I say!!!
    As for friendships, there are many reasons why they sometimes go quiet. It can be dangerous to jump to conclusions as to why, try to think the best of your friends and trust that its just a blip.

    1. Oh Juliet - you're so ironic!! I'm not talking about you, I saw you today! You have valiantly listened to all my DIY dreams and schemes without a single eye roll. I love ya for it. xx

  3. Oh I am so excited for you - the framing makes your new home seem even more real! Love and peace :)

  4. I'm excited for you, I know how long you've wanted to have your own place. We had to wait longer than originally intended before we bought our first house, and we're lucky we were able to get in when we did. I've noticed a wee trend with some people building their first homes lately. The prices of existing houses have gone up so much, there isn't a lot of difference in price between a modest new house and an existing house. So I can totally see why you might choose a new house – the bonus is you get to pick everything and make it just how you want. You totally deserve it!

    1. Thanks Rose, I just wanted to mention that this was the ONLY way we could buy a house of our own. Without getting too deep into the Reserve Bank regulations and the cost of living, and the post earthquake insurance nightmare that is the Christchurch housing market....suffice to say - there was no choice here. We tried to buy a second hand home and we couldn't do it. We can buy a modest new house or rent - those were the options.

  5. Christmas in your own home with the freedom to decorate however you want, oh that is so, so exciting!!

  6. Building your own home is a SUPER exciting time. Your true friends will share your joy!
    I really hope you can celebrate Christmas there xx

  7. Ooh, that is exciting! I've always wanted to build but have never got the chance so I enjoy watching other people's journeys instead. Have fun and I look forward to seeing the new house on here :)

  8. Exciting!!! Glad you are making peace with it and living your life. We are all on our own journey's and yes yes yes! Agree with the we simply never know all the details and why's and how's and are therefore not qualified to really have an opinion on anything! We are all different - and that is a great thing! Friendships come and go - a season for everything. It's hard and sad but remember the good stuff and enjoy your journey xx


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